after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
