my sisters under your porch take her home
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
