I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
