i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
