Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
