wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im part way to drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
