My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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