Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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