It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
