Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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