OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
