Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
