Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
