I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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