Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
