Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize