Your face is a jimmy john
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
