Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
