i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
