see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
