I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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