the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
