Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize