i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
