Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
