apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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