She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
