my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
