Where did you get a picture of my penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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