So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
