before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
