I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize