This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize