College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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