But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
