is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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