I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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