i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
