The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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