Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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