4 words: hood of his car
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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