I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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