Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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