just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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