Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
