omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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