Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
