im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
