I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
