a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
