I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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