remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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