what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
