You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
