I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
