As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
