So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
