how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
