In the future we'll all be gay
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My ass is underappreciated
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Help. Why am I so naked?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
