Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize