Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
