well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
