the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
