that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
