Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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