Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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