That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize