Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
