"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
