mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
