I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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