:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
